How Fat Feels

An actress that I really like recently got on twitter. I was excited to hear her thoughts and listen to her opinions, so naturally, I immediately began following her. Imagine my surprise when all she tweeted about was how disgusting we are as a country because we've got so many fat people! Constantly her posts and tweets revolved around how we (I count myself in this because I am a fat person) are too lazy to exercise and too undisciplined to eat right! She, with her skinny, personal trainer/personal chef induced figure, was daring to criticize the American public for something that she obviously knew nothing about! It was ridiculous and I finally had to quit following her because her comments were so rude and unkind. I'm pretty sure someone griping about fat people is not the best influence on anyone's life, especially mine. Needless to say, I now have mixed feelings about her as an actress.

However, I began to wonder how others see us (the overweight). Do they really think we don't care? Do they really think its our fault that we're fat? Do they really think we're just lazy? Do they really think its as easy as eating less and exercising more? Apparently so.

Well, allow me to set the record straight because this pisses me off! Of course we care!! No one wants to be fat!! It is awful having to shop in plus sizes, and being forced to pay more, I might add. Its not fun to not be able to fit into anything. It hurts when others call you fat or you always have to sit in the booth at restaurants.  It hurts when you can't keep up with your kids or always fall behind during walks or hikes. Its embarrassing! Its awful to feel fat, and let me tell you: it does nothing for our self-esteem. Especially when it comes to social situations or (worst scenario) dating! Being fat sucks! We care a lot about our appearance, probably too much, because a fat person's life is wrapped around the way we look in the most negative way possible.

Is it our fault? In some ways, yes. In some ways, no. For me personally, no its not my fault. I didn't get fat on my own. I didn't even get fat by choice. I am a child of divorce (this is not a sob-story plea, just listen). This means that I was shuffled between three households: My mother's, my father's, and my grandparent's (when my parents were working). There was not always time to have a proper dinner. My brother's and I were given fast food a lot, and I mean a lot. When I think of family dinners, its usually pizza or McDonald's that I remember. Another drawback, we ate in front of the tv almost all the time. It sucked (What I would have given for a healthy sit down meal with my family!). Its no wonder I was already considered obese in the 5th grade.

Lazy?! I think not! I tried lots of things to loose weight: I signed up for dance, I took up basketball, and I even took an aerobics course for my P.E. in high school. The Dancing ended in heartbreak after being relegated to the back chorus for being "big-boned" one time too many. Basketball was awful; I started having panic attacks because of the pressure to win (junior league sports are way to serious for kids, if you ask me). The aerobics I loved and I also took up Yoga and began dieting. Of course as soon as I stopped I gained everything back almost immediately. So I started again with something new: The South Beach Diet and Tae Bo, A Curves membership and Atkins, etc., etc. The roller coaster began. Most fat people are familiar with this ride, and let me tell you: it ain't fun. But we're not lazy. We try. We just fail a lot and then get discouraged.

And another point about this "lazy" thing. There are just some things the overweight can't do. Case in point: Running. Running is amazing. I love to run and its so good for my body, but after starting a running program and doing it for about three months I was hit with horrible knee pain. Apparently my thigh muscles aren't developed enough for running, so they don't hold my kneecap in place like they're supposed to, which makes me prone to what's called "jumper's knee" or "runner's knee." I wasn't allowed to exercise for a few months until it healed and cannot run without serious strength training for months before hand (and every time I stop I have to do the strength stuff before starting again). Another case: yoga. What was once a favorite discipline is now a bane. Why? My boobs are too big. I'm not kidding. There are way too many poses where one has to turn to the side or hold the chest up and I'm too heavy in that area or I have to squash my chest so much that I can't breathe (defeating the purpose of the exercise). And no, a good sports bra doesn't help (if there is such a thing for a DDD).

And who said it was easy?! I lost a hundred pounds in two years recently (go me!), but then my depression and anxiety got the better of me and I finally had to be put on medication. I started gaining weight right away. I hadn't changed anything, ate the same, exercised six days a week, but I gained anyway. Exercised more, ate even less, became absolutely miserable and constantly hungry and still gained 45lbs. Now I'm finally on a medication that doesn't make me gain weight and I'm trying to loose all of that, plus what I wanted to loose originally. All in all, about a 100lbs. And its not easy. Some days you do everything right and still there is a gain. Sometimes you loose a lot, sometimes you loose a little. But its a battle that you fight with yourself every time you put food in your mouth. Every step taken is a battle, every minute of exercise. Because your body doesn't want you to, your brain doesn't want you to. Whether you need to or not, that's not the question. Of course we need to, that's easy to say. But can you? Day after day, often without any support at all (I certainly don't have any except from my significant other) can you eat the strawberries instead of the ice cream? Can you do that 30 minute workout instead of going to the movies? Not always.

So are we disgusting, lazy Americans because we're fat? NO WE ARE NOT! We are not disgusting, we are people just like the size 0s. We are not lazy, it takes us more effort and determination to do everyday things than it does someone who's been a runner or basketball player all their life. When you add exercise to that daily to-do list, call me Wonder Woman damn-it because I bet you couldn't do it if you had my body. Re-programing lifetime eating habits and fighting drugs that are essential for your health? I don't think you could do it, Ms. Fit and Slender Actress, I don't think you could do it at all.

Someone may be fat, but they are just as valuable a human being as anyone else on this planet, and deserve to be treated as such.