Venting and Ranting

  Sometimes I just want to vent. I want to acknowledge my problems out loud just so I can hear them. It gives a slightly different perspective and allows some of the pent up emotions to come out. Its cathartic. That's why I write this blog. I also have another blog. And that's what I'm venting about today.

I'm a member of this weight-loss website. I track calories and exercise and read articles about health and fitness. Each member has a page and a blog, too. So I blog. I feel free to blog there about things I don't really get into all the time here (i.e. weight and exercise). If I blogged about it here, that's all I would ever talk about. So I break it up. Here is for the random moments in my life that make me cranky and/or thoughtful. There is for my attempts at long-term health.

I blogged there today. I haven't in a while because I'm just embarrassed about how much weight I've put on recently. But I sucked it up and admitted my gains and my hope for more losses in the future. But a BIG part of my gain this time was my depression. I have PTSD, Social Anxiety and Depression. And for 3 years I had been trying to manage them all without chemical aid. This past year, that stopped working. So I tried meds. The first few of which made me gain weight like crazy. It was an awful, hateful time. (Although, I have finally found medication that works).And I spoke about that time, and how I felt in the months afterward, today on my other blog. I talked about how the weight gain actually made the depression worse (thus defeating the purpose of the meds) and how I've just begun to come through the bad times and hope for good ones.

Naturally, my friends and team members (you join teams according to your goals on this site) commented. I expected that. And no one said anything negative. They never do. (I suppose b/c we're all in the same boat). But I was annoyed at the "advice" some people were giving me. Not that advice is bad, I generally like advice. I even listen to it occasionally. But it was nature of the advice that gave me pause.

A few fellow members decided it would be prudent to advise me on how to deal with my depression. These people are not doctors and none out of the 5 that gave this "advice" actually have depression and/or anxiety and/or PTSD. Yet, they went on and on about methods of dealing with things, about how I should just push it to the back of my mind or ignore it or just move on (the classic "get-over-it" advice).

Now look, I have a doctor. I have a therapist. I think if it had been as easy as any of that I would have done it and I wouldn't be depressed anymore. I'm pretty sure that if there was some magic cure for something that, which for me is a debilitating disorder, my therapist or doctor would have told me about it. I'm also sure that, despite my wonderful sanity pills,  I will never be able to ignore my problems. As a matter of fact that tends to give me flashbacks where I black out for periods of time and can't remember what I was doing. This is scary s**t! This is a serious thing in my life. At times it has even been life-threatening. So for people who don't know what they're talking about to say "just push through it and it will be fine" is pretty f'n ridiculous. I know they meant well, I appreciate that they commented at all, but it still made me angry. Not really because of what they said or how they said it, but because they felt called to say it the first place.

The impulse to be helpful is one thing. Trying to "cure" someone or "prescribe" them certain actions (or medications or foods) is another. I know there a lot of men, women, and teens on this weight-loss site that have similar problems as I do. I can't imagine how that sort of advice helps them. Can you imagine telling a person considering suicide to "just get over it"? That only works in movies. Could you tell someone dealing with the death of a parent or child to "ignore the negative feelings and push through them to the positive"? Or how about someone with social anxiety, "you know what helps me is to go out for a few drinks with my girlfriends and forget about everything for awhile"? No, those aren't the kinds of things you should say. If you're really hard put on how to be supportive and helpful without being patronizing or detrimental, you should just stick the cliches: "I know its hard, but know that we're here for you." "Is there anything I can do?" "I hope things get better." or even "You'll be in my prayers." That would be both supportive and helpful and elicit good feelings and possibly productive conversation.

Just please, don't give people advice if you're not qualified (either through credentials or experience) to give it. Sometimes people with my kind of problems just need others to acknowledge that we exist, our malady is valid, and that someone out there cares.