Darkness, Light, and Vampire Romance

If you had asked me about 10 years ago whether I was a night person or a day person, I would have said night person. Mostly because the night is seductive. It is a mystery. Its where the vampires live, where fantasy comes alive, where the romance and intrigue happens. I dreamed of love and vampires with souls (I did grow up on Buffy, after all), and a purpose so grand that maybe I just couldn't see it. At the time, I felt like I was waiting for my life to start, but also fervently convinced that nothing would ever happen to me, my life would be boring and uneventful. I was, like most teenagers, SO wrong.

As a matter of fact, my life got too eventful. WAY too eventful. And when it finally, totally and completely broke me down, I had to face a few facts about the dark and the dark side of life.

First off, the night is scary. I don't like the dark. Sure its fun to imagine a semi-reformed Lestat out there waiting just for you, and sure there's mystery and unknown out in the dark. But let's face it, any relationship with a vampire (if they really did exist) is probably going to end up with you dead (and not always in the un-dead sort of way). And mystery? The unknown? Well, there are plenty of things I could have gone my whole life without knowing, so I'm pretty much over that. Romance? Ha! Let me do that again: Ha! Not that Romance is dead, but its just better to be romanced at a sunny picnic than dragged out to the middle of nowhere in the dark to go parking (incidentally this is always the point in movies when the werewolf drags your screaming wanna-be boyfriend out of the car, before coming back to rip you to shreds). So, as nice as it is to fantasize about "seductive darkness" no thank you.

Aside from the obvious reality check, I've also become afraid of the dark. I never was before, but things happen and you change. The dark part of the night is usually filled with night-terrors for me. Bad dreams. Sometimes I refuse to sleep because I don't want to dream. And sometimes I sleep to much because I don't want to think about the bad things that live and attack in the dark. If you asked me today if I was day person or a night person, I would definitely say Day.

And I mean that literally. When the sun is up and shining, I'm okay. I'm awake and productive and generally happy. But as soon as it sets or if the day is dark and rainy, I can pretty much guarantee you that I'm going to have a bad day. I set my clock by the sun. I wake when it rises and I try to be asleep as soon as it falls. Sunlight, daylight is my salvation and I'm not being melodramatic. When the sun is in the sky, I feel vital and alive. In the dark, I suffocate. Someday, I hope to harness the good feelings and be able to survive in the dark again, but that night isn't going to be anytime soon.

However, I still love the fantasies that we, as a culture, weave into the darkness. The monsters, the horror, the romance. (Although, I have strict policy against watching "real" horror movies and tend to stick to the more ironic stuff like 90s Wes Craven fare). But let's face it, what woman in her right mind can't get a little excited about a vampire romance? But I am also consistently driven to write a story where girl and vampire fall in love and then vampire kills girl unrepentantly. Because that's my reality now. The dark isn't seductive anymore, its dangerous and all too real. And when Lestat comes looking for me? Well, I'll be the girl holding the cross and stake.